


Pretend There is Nothing Outside this Room

by aces_low



Series: drabbles and ish [6]
Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 06:13:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9165604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aces_low/pseuds/aces_low
Summary: Forget what you have to do, pretend there is nothing outside this room. Or, Ryan can't sleep, and has to come to some decisions on moving forward with Miguel.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the music lyric drabble prompt of She Says by Ani Difranco - lyric selected was "forget what you have to do, pretend there is nothing outside this room."

Ryan can’t sleep. He stares out into the darkened quad of Em City – not that Em City is ever really dark, the lights from the guard station always give off a faint glow within the pods – and watches. It’s past midnight by now, there’s not much movement, other than the hacks making their rounds, almost everyone has taken a break from scheming and plotting and praying for the night.

Plans and schemes are the last thing on Ryan’s mind tonight as well. Tonight, the only thing that is looping through his brain is the argument he’d had with Miguel earlier, after lockdown. 

He turns to look at his sleeping pod mate, all lax and unaware of the conscious world, unconcerned with the battle raging in Ryan’s head. Miguel looks boneless when he sleeps, so different than the false, at ease way he holds himself during the day. It’s only at lights out, locked away with no one but Ryan, that Miguel looks truly comfortable. Ryan wishes he could feel as weightless as his pod mate.

His pod mate. And isn’t that the biggest lie he can tell himself. Because Miguel is more than just his pod mate, has been since before they got back to Em City, probably even before Lardner. Hell, as long as Ryan has known Miguel there has always been something, some dance they’ve done where they’d twist and turn just out of each other’s reach. Moving forward and backwards like they were tied by cords, keeping them from ever quite doing more than skimming the surface of whatever this was ( _is_ ). Cords pulling them back each time, never quite able to meet right where they wanted. Not until they both lost everything, and then there had been nothing keeping the tethers from snapping, slamming them together at full force. 

But nothing is ever that easy. Locked away in a storage closet, or a private room in the infirmary is one thing, and Ryan can forget who, and where, and _what_ he is. He can hold onto Miguel and forget that there is anyone, anything else in the world but them. 

He can’t do that in their pod though, he can’t ignore the eyes that may or may not be on them. He doesn’t know how to stop thinking about his reputation, at what everyone must think of him now, now that he’s in love with another man.

“Everyone already knows,” Miguel had tried to argue, earlier.

It’s not the same. Knowing that Ryan O’Reily is in love with Miguel Alvarez is one thing, one thing most of the other prisoners barely tolerate. Seeing it is another thing entirely. He doesn’t think his reputation can hold the threads of the balance between being ignored and outright aggression.

It’s not the same for Miguel, not anymore. Miguel, who has been through hell and more, he transcends the need for respect among the other prisoners, he has no allegiances to anyone but himself. His only reputation now is that he is untouchable, cannot be killed, and anyone who is fool enough to try just may end up dead themselves – whether by Miguel, or Ryan, or the forces that exist that believe Miguel Alvarez is better off alive.

Ryan sighs and hits his head against the glass window of the pod. This circular thinking is getting him nowhere. 

What it comes down to is this, one path leads him to Miguel, and the other path leads him away. And when it’s that simple, there’s really no more thinking he needs to do.

He pushes himself off of the pod window and makes his way back over to the bunks. Leaning down he watches Miguel sleep for another moment, admiring the smooth, peaceful face that shows nothing of the pain he’s been through. Even the scar across his cheek, meant to disfigure, looks beautiful in its own way.

He takes a deep breath and slides himself in alongside Miguel, tangling their legs together so they can both fit on the narrow bed. 

Miguel begins to stir as Ryan runs his thumb along the scar on his cheek. 

“What?” Miguel ask in a soft growl. He’s not remembering that he’s angry yet, he just doesn’t like to be woken up.

Instead of explaining, or apologizing, or saying anymore of his bullshit, Ryan just wraps his arms around him and pulls him into a kiss.

Miguel’s response is slow, but he sighs and parts his lips, letting Ryan lazily drink him in. After just a few moments though, Ryan feels Miguel stiffen in his arms, fully awake and aware of his surroundings again.

Ryan doesn’t stop him from pulling away, but tightens his hold on him in his arms.

Miguel studies his face for a second before speaking, his voice still rough with sleep.

“Aren’t you afraid someone will see?”

Ryan leans forward, placing another soft kiss against his lips before resting his forehead on Miguel’s shoulder.

“Yes.” 

Miguel wraps his arms around him then, and pulls him in closer.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Feedback is always welcome.
> 
> If you ever want to prompt me anything, shoot me a message over on tumblr @aces-low


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